Seriously, you guys. You guys. Seriously.
I have a problem. I hate my clothes. I know, I know… it’s a pretty typical female problem, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it or make it any less of a problem. Almost every day I threaten to go to work in my tank top and boy shorts or else just stay home entirely. I am tired of trying to make quasi-professional tops (hello, boring button-downs!) look good with jeans by wearing cute-ish shoes. You may remember that I work in a paper conservation lab where a lot of hanging out in fume hoods with moldy stuff happens, and it’s true that this environment doesn’t exactly require or even promote the wearing of nice clothes.
[Sidenote: it used to be even worse. Until just a couple of months ago I spent at least one day every other week — and sometimes up to two days per week — working on rehousing collections at one of our offsite storage facilities. And “offsite storage facility” is a nice way to say that I was working in a warehouse. A dirty, stinky, cold, dusty, crowded, cement-floored warehouse. You do not wear cute shoes or anything you remotely care about to work in this environment because your feet will fall off, your lower back will be killing you, and you will be covered in smudges and unexplainable stains by the end of the day. Ewww.]
But back to the issue at hand. Though my job does not require that I dress “professionally,” it is located in a neighborhood where suits and ties are practically a uniform. Everyone is in heels and skirts or nice slacks, with pretty jewelry… sometimes in the summer, you even see people in seersucker (that cracks me up). Furthermore, I have heard time and time again that one ought to dress for the job he wants rather than the job he has… and let’s face it, this is probably not going to be the position where I make my career. The point is that I feel like a scrub riding the Metro with all these beautifully dressed folks when I have given up and put on jeans and my Pumas, and that I think it does not give off a favorable impression. So clearly, something’s gotta give.
The problem? I’m not actually sure I know how to compile a better, more professional wardrobe. First of all, I haven’t really made an attempt to do so in the past few years. I’m completely out of practice, and I have no idea what passes for polished and fashionable anymore. I love heather gray pants and jewel toned tops… but does anyone else? And where does one shop for these fashionable clothes? Even Target has kinda failed me here! Can Ann Taylor and The Limited fill my entire closet? Or are there hidden treasure troves of professionalism hiding in places I don’t know about?
And there’s a second facet to this “I dunno how” issue — I’m just not sure they make a lot of the things I would prefer to wear in my size. I’m about the size of your average 13-year-0ld: 5’2″, pretty skinny still, and I have leetle feets. And since we all know that most young teens would rather be caught dead than wear a blouse or something called trousers, they tend not to make many clothes to fit that size. Ditto on the shoes. Little girls don’t like Nine West or Clarks quite like I do. *sigh* There is only so much tailoring that can happen, and it’s really not so much fun to go shopping when everything you try on you have to imagine three inches shorter or with darts on the sides.
And finally, even if I do manage to find these mythical perfect clothes and shoes to turn me into an adult… how the heck to pay for them? It turns out that my bargain-shopping abilities are most effective for home furnishings and crafty projects and groceries… and holy moly are nice clothes expensive! There’s no way to buy a whole slew of them at one time…
And that’s why I think I need a stylist. I need someone who is an expert in these matters — someone who knows the right stores to shop, if there are great sales going on, which things are easily tailored and which are tougher, and most of all, what the heck looks good. I’m lost here. Suggestions greatly appreciated.
Speak Friend and Enter 